Friday, April 1, 2011

Restoration and a stronger marriage...

Today is a special day.
More than special.
It is a milemarker on my road of life.

I could write a blog post that is super long about it.
But I dont know if thats what I need to do.

Today is the one year anniversary of the beginning of restoration between me and my husband.
Last year my life was changed.
I lived my worst nightmare. I was thrown into a pit. I was devastated.
He was lost. Lost and trapped in a world I knew nothing about. He chose his world.
Leaving me and our girls.

I fell deep into a pit and experienced more pain than I thought existed.
My reason to survive was my girls. They needed me. I was not going to let them down.

I prayed. I became desperate for Jesus.
I knew nothing in this world would fill the emptiness in my heart but Him.
Nothing anyone did or said helped. Nothing.

I begged God to hold me and not let go.
I slept with my Bible and if a Bible wasnt near me...I would panic.
I had to cling to Gods promises. It was my lifeline.

God laid it on me to not give up praying for my husband.
At this point I did not want to be with him. The damage was too deep.
However, I knew that he was my brother in Christ.

The Bible says that when a child of God strays...we are to bring him back to God.

Impossible I thought to myself.
Anytime we talked he was like a zombie...and he didnt care.

I didnt give up.
People told me to not talk to him anymore.
But I was not going to give up. I kept on.
Praying.
SHaring God's word with him.
I didnt want the Devil to take him down.

April 1st 2010...
The Holy Spirit was working.
It was my hardest day so far. I could barely get out of bed. My girls kept me going.
The Holy Spirit was working in him. He just would not acknowledge it.
That evening...my husband responded to Jesus.
He cried. He broke. He confessed. He prayed. He got on his face before God.

I got to witness it. And only me.
I was in shock, I was in complete silence while I watched my husband crumble before God.
It was incredible.
Complete surrender. Complete brokenness. Complete repentance.

That night was very long.
It was not instant celebration.

I didn't leave him that night.
We were up all night at his parents and he just talked and told me how his life was changed.
We cried. I mostly sat in shock and was sort of blindsided by things he confessed to me.

He chose Jesus.
He sought forgiveness from Jesus.
He sought forgiveness from me.
I forgave.

From that day forward...it has been such a hard road.
Things didn't go back to normal.
However, God began a huge work in us both. Together and separately.

I know that only Christ can turn someones life around like that.
I did not do anything except what I thought God wanted me to do.
And that was to pray for his repentance and to read the Bible to him.
So I did.
God did everything. I just wanted God to use me anyway He could to reach Philip.

I am not the same person I was before.
God took me and rebuilt me from the ground up.
A new person...
I have seen the hand of God move in a miraculous way.
I know Jesus in such an intimate way...a way that never would exist if this didnt happen.

My husband is amazing.
he is not ashamed to share what God did in his life.
How God took his sin and threw it out.
How my husband chose Christ and overcame evil.
My husband literally fell facedown and humbled himself. Confessed.
Sought forgiveness from many. Including my father...who gave me away on our wedding day.
My husband is a real man.


Today is unique. I am glad it has been a year.
Lots of ups and downs. More ups now than downs.
Blessings beyond belief.

We have a miracle that will be here anytime.
Our precious baby boy Nathan is our miracle.
A gift. A true outcome of redemption and restoration.

Many have asked me if i would change my life to avoid what happened.
They ask if I knew what was coming...would I marry him.
Thats irrelevant.
However, all of this has brought me to a place of complete dependance on Jesus.
I have a deep intimate relationship with Jesus.
Yes....I would go thru this fire again. Anything to know Jesus more.

Philip and I are best friends. Our relationship is deep. We have fought thru a lot of issues.
We are still healing, still growing, still being restored.

Thanks for reading...I went back and forth deciding what to write.

I want God to use me. To use us.

I never want to glorify the bad part of it...I do not feel its important to share those details.

I give glory to my God. God is real. He is big, He heals and restores. He forgives.

We just have to say "yes" to Him.

Say yes.

4 comments:

  1. Laura, the story of your lives is amazing!! I can not fully express my joy at the restoration you guys have experienced!!! You explained the journey well and the Lord was glorified in your words. I'm so glad to know both of you. Thank you for sharing...many of us have been through the same type of crumbling and restoration (maybe with different circumstances but with the same results) and there is a joy and peace and trust beyond compare when you've been there. I admire you for sharing the Lord's glory in it all!! Love you! Jen

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  2. I'm so happy for you that everything has worked out this way. Zach and I will be starting marriage and separate therapy next week to save what's left. We have almost been married 11 years and it's been a difficult road but not one I'm willing to throw away. I'm trying to forgive and find peace but it's very difficult to find trust again. I'm glad you posted this Laura. I needed to hear it! He says he's willing to do whatever it takes to not lose our family, but I've heard it before. Not sure if I should put my trust in him to possibly get burned again.

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  3. Tears of joy for you, for Phillip, for your family are welling up. Thank you for sharing your story. It's an amazing testimony to the awesomeness of Jesus and what he can do for you and thru you. I agree the negative details aren't important to share but I've prayed for you all thru this. I pray for continued healing and many more blessings in your family and your marriage.
    God bless you and much love!

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  4. Laura,
    Oh goodness! Thank you for sharing this, thank you for reminding me that things don't have to be perfect, that we can crumble before those who love us and that redemption is available to all who humbly present themselves before our Lord and those who love us. What an amazing story, what an amazing testimoy and what an amazing famly you have. I am so glad that God restored your marriage, that you did not give up on your husband or your family. You are so strong, and when God is truly the head of the family, anything is possible!

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