Saturday, April 16, 2011



I wont be eating these much longer.
 I have sort of splurged the past few days and had my fair share of
supporting the chocolate industry :)

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Spread too thin?

My girls are so unpredictable right now.

I am home with them during the day while Philip works.

Honestly...they are GREAT.
They play nicely together (usually).
They eat what I fix them no problem.
They pick up the toys.
They obey...for the most part. Still learning that one.

if ANYONE comes all changes.
They suddenly become crankier.
They are harder to please.
They get louder.
They dont get along.

Philip put them to bed without me tonight.
Last night I was up all night with contractions.
(no baby yet)

My Dr told me to go to bed...and for somone else to put them in bed.
We usually do it as a team.
(Although Philip worked nights for a year so I did it alone)

It was horrible listening to it.
Natalie was fine.
Brooklyn....ohhhhh Brooklyn.
Threw a 30 minute tantrum screaming for me.
We decided for me to stay in bed...she has to get used to it right?
Oh man.

Sometimes things like this discourage me.
I wonder what I do wrong?

Its so hard.

Age three is soooooo much harder than two.

What will happen when my baby comes next week and I am not able to put them to bed
for a while???

Screaming fits everynight?

Oh dear.

Im praying they will feel Gods peace...and somehow know that
I love them.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Busting at the seams...39 week pic

So Philip literally took this pic of me 15 minutes ago (10 pm Monday April 11th)

I feel like I have no room left.
My belly hurts.
it hurts to touch it.
(I spared you the image of my stretched out skin)

Ive gained about 32 lbs.
It is so uncomfortable.
I have at the most 7 nights left of hardly sleeping.

Philip took me out tonight as a surprise date.
We ate..went to the mall and bought a few cute boy items.
We went to get ice cream.

I am really trying to cherish these last few days being pregnant.
it could be my last pregnancy right?

I am definately enjoying my girls this week.
I have three goals during this last week.

1. enjoy time with my girls
2. enjoy time with my husband
3. keep up with housework daily so I come home from the hospital to a clean house.

So enjoy- this is the last pic you will see until after the baby is here.
I will try and take a pic as soon as possible after the birth.
Thats always fun :)

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Still waiting...

My posts have been a few days apart lately.
Makes me a little online journaling is slow right now.

I am tired.
I am huge.
My belly is so tight that sometimes when I touch it, its just so
sore and the skin hurts.

I have 11 days till my scheduled C-section.
I am not sure I will make it until then.

Any free moment I get...I sleep.
I wake up at least once an hour during the night to head to the bathroom.

I drink a lot of water. It helps me feel better...but also sends me running to
the nearest restroom day and night.

While Philip is at work, I sit and the girls play.
This started this past week.

Thankfully the weather is nice.
Brooklyn now knows I am tired all the time.
"Mommy's chair..." she points out when we go outside.

She knows I sit and she and her sister play.

We watch more videos than normal.
Which includes more snuggle time with my girlies.
I LOVE it.

Ive been eating Reeses like crazy.
Nothing sounds good except Reeses.
I try and contain myself :)
Ive gained 31 pounds.
Im 38 weeks.
My appetite is gone.
I am super swollen and cant wear my ring.
I can only wear flip flops :(
Even my knees are swollen.

Ive tried not to complain this pregnancy.
But..I am seriously ready.
11 days...I can do it.
No problem :)

Thanks for letting me vent a little.

Ill keep you posted...
meanwhile I will be snuggling my girls watching Veggie Tales.
napping any second I can.
Eating Reeses...but not uncontrollably.

I am also cherishing the last few days of little baby boy wiggling in my belly.
it hurts...but it sure is special.

I guarantee he is gonna be at least 10 pounds...
Youll see :)

Monday, April 4, 2011

Your Song....Natalie

Bitter Sweet.
Natalie turned two this weekend.
We usually have parties and invite friends.
This time we kept it with family.
Im so glad.
Her party was so fun.
Special and sweet.

She is georgeous.
Sweetest thing ever.

I heard this song this past week..on American Idol.
I immediately thought about Natalie...
Just a little piece of the song.
Go hear it...the medody is beautiful.

Your Song

"So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen
And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world"
Elton John
Im crazy about you Natalie...
How wonderful life is while you're in the world.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Restoration and a stronger marriage...

Today is a special day.
More than special.
It is a milemarker on my road of life.

I could write a blog post that is super long about it.
But I dont know if thats what I need to do.

Today is the one year anniversary of the beginning of restoration between me and my husband.
Last year my life was changed.
I lived my worst nightmare. I was thrown into a pit. I was devastated.
He was lost. Lost and trapped in a world I knew nothing about. He chose his world.
Leaving me and our girls.

I fell deep into a pit and experienced more pain than I thought existed.
My reason to survive was my girls. They needed me. I was not going to let them down.

I prayed. I became desperate for Jesus.
I knew nothing in this world would fill the emptiness in my heart but Him.
Nothing anyone did or said helped. Nothing.

I begged God to hold me and not let go.
I slept with my Bible and if a Bible wasnt near me...I would panic.
I had to cling to Gods promises. It was my lifeline.

God laid it on me to not give up praying for my husband.
At this point I did not want to be with him. The damage was too deep.
However, I knew that he was my brother in Christ.

The Bible says that when a child of God strays...we are to bring him back to God.

Impossible I thought to myself.
Anytime we talked he was like a zombie...and he didnt care.

I didnt give up.
People told me to not talk to him anymore.
But I was not going to give up. I kept on.
SHaring God's word with him.
I didnt want the Devil to take him down.

April 1st 2010...
The Holy Spirit was working.
It was my hardest day so far. I could barely get out of bed. My girls kept me going.
The Holy Spirit was working in him. He just would not acknowledge it.
That husband responded to Jesus.
He cried. He broke. He confessed. He prayed. He got on his face before God.

I got to witness it. And only me.
I was in shock, I was in complete silence while I watched my husband crumble before God.
It was incredible.
Complete surrender. Complete brokenness. Complete repentance.

That night was very long.
It was not instant celebration.

I didn't leave him that night.
We were up all night at his parents and he just talked and told me how his life was changed.
We cried. I mostly sat in shock and was sort of blindsided by things he confessed to me.

He chose Jesus.
He sought forgiveness from Jesus.
He sought forgiveness from me.
I forgave.

From that day has been such a hard road.
Things didn't go back to normal.
However, God began a huge work in us both. Together and separately.

I know that only Christ can turn someones life around like that.
I did not do anything except what I thought God wanted me to do.
And that was to pray for his repentance and to read the Bible to him.
So I did.
God did everything. I just wanted God to use me anyway He could to reach Philip.

I am not the same person I was before.
God took me and rebuilt me from the ground up.
A new person...
I have seen the hand of God move in a miraculous way.
I know Jesus in such an intimate way...a way that never would exist if this didnt happen.

My husband is amazing.
he is not ashamed to share what God did in his life.
How God took his sin and threw it out.
How my husband chose Christ and overcame evil.
My husband literally fell facedown and humbled himself. Confessed.
Sought forgiveness from many. Including my father...who gave me away on our wedding day.
My husband is a real man.

Today is unique. I am glad it has been a year.
Lots of ups and downs. More ups now than downs.
Blessings beyond belief.

We have a miracle that will be here anytime.
Our precious baby boy Nathan is our miracle.
A gift. A true outcome of redemption and restoration.

Many have asked me if i would change my life to avoid what happened.
They ask if I knew what was coming...would I marry him.
Thats irrelevant.
However, all of this has brought me to a place of complete dependance on Jesus.
I have a deep intimate relationship with Jesus.
Yes....I would go thru this fire again. Anything to know Jesus more.

Philip and I are best friends. Our relationship is deep. We have fought thru a lot of issues.
We are still healing, still growing, still being restored.

Thanks for reading...I went back and forth deciding what to write.

I want God to use me. To use us.

I never want to glorify the bad part of it...I do not feel its important to share those details.

I give glory to my God. God is real. He is big, He heals and restores. He forgives.

We just have to say "yes" to Him.

Say yes.