I heard this song this past week..on American Idol.
I immediately thought about Natalie...
Just a little piece of the song.
Go hear it...the medody is beautiful.
"So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen
And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world"
Today is a special day.
More than special.
It is a milemarker on my road of life.
I could write a blog post that is super long about it.
But I dont know if thats what I need to do.
Today is the one year anniversary of the beginning of restoration between me and my husband.
Last year my life was changed.
I lived my worst nightmare. I was thrown into a pit. I was devastated.
He was lost. Lost and trapped in a world I knew nothing about. He chose his world.
Leaving me and our girls.
I fell deep into a pit and experienced more pain than I thought existed.
My reason to survive was my girls. They needed me. I was not going to let them down.
I prayed. I became desperate for Jesus.
I knew nothing in this world would fill the emptiness in my heart but Him.
Nothing anyone did or said helped. Nothing.
I begged God to hold me and not let go.
I slept with my Bible and if a Bible wasnt near me...I would panic.
I had to cling to Gods promises. It was my lifeline.
God laid it on me to not give up praying for my husband.
At this point I did not want to be with him. The damage was too deep.
However, I knew that he was my brother in Christ.
The Bible says that when a child of God strays...we are to bring him back to God.
Impossible I thought to myself.
Anytime we talked he was like a zombie...and he didnt care.
I didnt give up.
People told me to not talk to him anymore.
But I was not going to give up. I kept on.
SHaring God's word with him.
I didnt want the Devil to take him down.
April 1st 2010...
The Holy Spirit was working.
It was my hardest day so far. I could barely get out of bed. My girls kept me going.
The Holy Spirit was working in him. He just would not acknowledge it.
That evening...my husband responded to Jesus.
He cried. He broke. He confessed. He prayed. He got on his face before God.
I got to witness it. And only me.
I was in shock, I was in complete silence while I watched my husband crumble before God.
It was incredible.
Complete surrender. Complete brokenness. Complete repentance.
That night was very long.
It was not instant celebration.
I didn't leave him that night.
We were up all night at his parents and he just talked and told me how his life was changed.
We cried. I mostly sat in shock and was sort of blindsided by things he confessed to me.
He chose Jesus.
He sought forgiveness from Jesus.
He sought forgiveness from me.
From that day forward...it has been such a hard road.
Things didn't go back to normal.
However, God began a huge work in us both. Together and separately.
I know that only Christ can turn someones life around like that.
I did not do anything except what I thought God wanted me to do.
And that was to pray for his repentance and to read the Bible to him.
So I did.
God did everything. I just wanted God to use me anyway He could to reach Philip.
I am not the same person I was before.
God took me and rebuilt me from the ground up.
A new person...
I have seen the hand of God move in a miraculous way.
I know Jesus in such an intimate way...a way that never would exist if this didnt happen.
My husband is amazing.
he is not ashamed to share what God did in his life.
How God took his sin and threw it out.
How my husband chose Christ and overcame evil.
My husband literally fell facedown and humbled himself. Confessed.
Sought forgiveness from many. Including my father...who gave me away on our wedding day.
My husband is a real man.
Today is unique. I am glad it has been a year.
Lots of ups and downs. More ups now than downs.
Blessings beyond belief.
We have a miracle that will be here anytime.
Our precious baby boy Nathan is our miracle.
A gift. A true outcome of redemption and restoration.
Many have asked me if i would change my life to avoid what happened.
They ask if I knew what was coming...would I marry him.
However, all of this has brought me to a place of complete dependance on Jesus.
I have a deep intimate relationship with Jesus.
Yes....I would go thru this fire again. Anything to know Jesus more.
Philip and I are best friends. Our relationship is deep. We have fought thru a lot of issues.
We are still healing, still growing, still being restored.
Thanks for reading...I went back and forth deciding what to write.
I want God to use me. To use us.
I never want to glorify the bad part of it...I do not feel its important to share those details.
I give glory to my God. God is real. He is big, He heals and restores. He forgives.